Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from January, 2019

"Alita: Battle Angel"

I can't tell if this is live action or if this a video game. It looks fake as sh*t. Is this why Avatar 2  is being pushed back now TEN YEARS? I'm starting to wonder if I'm feeling the same anticipation as Terminator fans between the first and second movie. I'm getting bored of that franchise. I'm getting off track. I know James Cameron isn't the director. I didn't grow up with manga and anime, so I'm not as excited as I should. But it looks like it's going to be another Americanized flop. In theaters: February 14, 2019

"What Men Want"

I'm all for equality for everyone. But do we have to gender swap movies, that probably weren't funny to begin with, to give them that equality? Taraji P. Henson is struggling to move up in the sports world, but everyone, who hasn't been Me Too'd yet, stars in this movie as misogynistic assholes to her. That is until she goes to a tea room on a stormy night that results in her ability to hear men's thoughts. Then she uses it to control her destiny. You don't have to give Cookie powers to hear men's thoughts. She already controls men! *Drops mic* In theaters: February 8, 2019 Click image to view URL.

"Avengers: Endgame"

I have watched every MCU movie at this point, so I am up to date. Stay tuned on my " Movie Thoughts " page for those posts. Now, I know this is just the first trailer, and the Russo Brothers are doing everything they can to keep this movie quiet, but I NEED MORE!!!!! Tony sending a love letter, everyone b*tching about death and Thanos, and Scott coming to the rescue. THAT'S IT! Also, why is Tony still calling Pepper Miss Potts? They've been on a first name basis since Iron Man 2 . And how is Scott Lang normal size now? Last I checked he was still stuck in the quantum realm because The Three Pyms died. Did he use the magic discs like in the first Ant-Man ? But I'm still going to see it. In theaters: April 26, 2019 Click on image to view URL.

"Captain Marvel"

I have watched every MCU movie at this point, so I am up to date. Stay tuned on my " Movie Thoughts " page for those posts. So...is she a Replicant? She has memories of a life on Earth, but she has powers that I don't understand. She can emit plasma rays from her hands, and conduct electricity. I assume she's also strong because she was in the Air Force. What kind of Asgardian bullsh*t is this? So she DID have a life but when she crashed at some point, a group of discount Ravagers, who also weren't scary enough to be Dark Elves, scooped her up, juiced her up like Captain America, and she is Marvel's Supergirl. Is that what she is? Also they threw in a bit of Men in Black  with her kicking the old granny's butt, who manages to hold her own.  Also, how are any of these trailers chock full of nineties' nostalgia? All I saw was she crashed into a Blockbuster Video and teamed up with fat nineties Samuel L. Jackson. Has anyone seen Samu

"Men in Black: International"

Not sure if you call it a long awaited return, but I was genuinely happy to see another installment. However, I believe it failed to recapture the magic it once held twenty years ago. Tessa Thompson's character has been searching for the MIB headquarters for the said twenty years. Someone did not do a good job hiding the very existence of MIB. No one has willingly joined the MIB. They were recruited. No one is concerned by this? Will Smith chased a cephlapod on door. Then Agent M (not Mike Myers) gets transferred to MIB International in London, ran by Brian Mills, and gets assigned with Chris Hemsworth, the blondest agent ever. Compared to him, Tessa seemed to have studied the MIB Wikipedia page because she was more in tune than Chris, and it's infuriating. She whips the neuralizer like it's nothing and expected similar results, which, to her luck, she does. When Chris couldn't find the little red button, she presses it and it has a delay before the car room off